{fighting the path}

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about plans. My plans, God’s plans, plans of others…and how they all fit. I’ve had this conversation over and over and over again in my head, and even started to write these words many a time before. Planning is a funny thing. Those who know me know that I am the definition of a Type A personality. I love knowing what is to come, how I fit and how I make it all come together. Like many of us out there, the unknown terrifies me. The end of 2014 and beginning of 2015 brought me to a place where I was faced to make decisions where my plans and God’s plans diverged.

Choosing to walk my path would lead to comfort and ease, a rout of settling and not challenging myself to be a more diligent follower, a more diligent believer. I tried and tried to convince myself that this plan was the best, the smart one, the responsible one, the one that would truly make me happy. I can honestly say that during time of decision I have never before then felt so stomach in knots and just plain off. For a girl whose whole life has been black and white with relatively few big decisions to make, this newfound confliction left me confused.

For the first time in my life, I knew that God was speaking to me. Plain as day, while I kept trying to convince myself that I knew best, God was striking through my wall, bit by bit until I listened. After many weeks of prayer, fighting and struggle. I listened to the call and my path converged. And boy am I excited for what’s to come. From going to a point of making myself physically sick from stress…to finally finding peace in a decision…it was like the world JUST FELT RIGHT. In a moment, I felt relief, peace and just comfort. Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean we don’t have fear, THAT IS OKAY, it means that I’ve accepted that fear is making me better, a good challenge. Proverbs 19:23 tells us, “The fear of the Lord leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble.” (NIV) Something I’ve really struggled with is living up to societal expectations of where my life should be going, but forget society. I was put on this earth for a purpose, and I intend to live to that purpose! After sharing my thoughts with her, a dear friend reminded of something so simple, yet so perfect for where I was. When faced with the same decisions as others…there is no wrong choice, simply the right choice for YOU. Gosh am I ever so thankful to be able to seek council from some gems. What I find even more comforting is knowing that as a twenty-something, I am not the only one finding myself in this place. This is a time of big changes people! Doesn’t matter what kind of changes…big, small…they are changes!

Like I mentioned earlier, I spent some time in prayer, but also dove into the word. I kept finding myself coming back to the same few chapters. In particular, Isaiah Chapter 55…it is powerful. For me, this is our call to humility, to re-evaluate our way of thinking. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9, NIV) Wow. We continue reading and find “so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:11, NIV) The Lord is preparing us for his plans, preparing us to do his work. God wants to welcome us, but we must accept his Grace and follow.

I know that I’m on the right path, looking forward to what’s to come. Life will be full of changes. For me, I’m just going to hold on for the ride, stay true to my foundation, and go where I’m lead!

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